Raising Parents by Crittenden Patricia M.;

Author:Crittenden, Patricia M.;
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 5050393
Publisher: Routledge

Disoriented parental behavior

Disoriented individuals confuse DRs from different sources, treating them all as compatible and self-relevant in the present when, in fact, they are in conflict. Overlooking these discrepancies leads to unstable and incoherent behavior.

Disorientation occurs infrequently, but is almost always associated with severe problems in the children. Disorientation usually occurs with A/C combinations. Because parents’ disorientation does not produce dramatic and visible effects (as, for example, depression does), it is generally overlooked, and only the highly troubled child’s behavior is noticed.

Benjamin and ADHD. Benjamin’s mother sought consultation a year after Benjamin had been diagnosed with ADHD and treated with medication; she wanted the medication discontinued and psychotherapy offered to both of them because, according to her, Benjamin’s problems were related to her marital difficulties. Both the mother’s AAI and Benjamin’s SAA were identified as disoriented with A/C strategies and assorted unresolved traumas. In cases of disorientation, including both Benjamin’s mother and Gerd (see below), the parents’ behavior could best be described as ‘all over the place’, but not extreme. In spite of a recommendation to the contrary, Benjamin remained on medication (Crittenden and Kulbotten 2007).

Disoriented behavior. Often disoriented parents are seen as merely very talkative, aroused, and arousing. Initially, most seem quite engaging. Many urgently seek resolution to amorphous, entangling problems, and often these involve worthy causes. Nevertheless, at some point, listeners become overwhelmed and want to conclude the endless discussion. At that point, they discover that these individuals resist disengaging. They don’t respond to signals that one has had enough; instead, they intensify their efforts to keep the conversation going, speaking faster and adding chapters to their saga of troubles. Aspects of the disoriented person’s behavior are incompatible; for example, asking for help while not listening to the response. They seem unable to accomplish their stated goals. For example, one potential adoptive mother at the last minute refused two different matches offered to her. Another woman had inexplicable panic attacks, one was in treatment for inability to experience sexual arousal, another was the mother of a convicted sexual abuser, and yet another was considering surgery to change his gender. Gerd will serve as an example of the group.

Gerd was the mother in an intact family with three school-age boys. The 11-year-old was referred for psychological evaluation by Gerd because of her concerns regarding his personality, specifically his being a loner with outbursts of aggression directed toward her. Gerd reported that he had had early eating problems, and, at the time of the referral, she thought he was autistic. Considerable inconclusive work with the boy led the professionals to wonder whether Gerd displayed factitious illness (formerly Munchausen’s syndrome) by proxy. To explore that hypothesis, Gerd was given an AAI. At that time, the boy was no longer in treatment. He was doing well in school and his behavior was considered normal, with only mild learning difficulty.

Gerd’s AAI began clearly enough with her birth, their moves, and then the birth of two brothers: ‘… Paul who’s 32 and I’ve another who’s 22.

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